Waiting On A Saviour
by Katrina Snape
Summary: A Snape angst fic, a little rushed, a little short, a little plotless....written for Flourish's alohomora fanfiction challenge, which unfortunatly was not judged due to technical difficulty. Read and review, please!


Waiting On A Saviour

Waiting On A Saviour

**Author's Note:** I do not own Severus. Sadly, I do not. I do not own any other characters you recognize - they are the brainchildren of Joanne Rowling (We love you!). The lyrics featured are copyrighted to Rough Cut Music & WB Music Corp (ASCAP), and are performed by Savage Garden on their album Affirmation, track 12. (Darren from SG is sexy ;-))This fanfic was written for the alohomora fanfiction challenge. Long live Maddy/Flourish! We love you too! Oh, and Kaitlyn is mine, and is in Nefarious Risings if you're interested. She is James Potter's brother and went into hiding after his death. She was best friends with Sirius Black (more at one stage ;-)) and more than best friends with Remus Lupin. Kaitlyn was in Slytherin with Severus Snape. Tis rather short, but there you go. My predicted chances of winning are 0. :-D Have a nice read if you can manage to find some sense or good writing in my story.

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_I don't know you anymore,_

_I don't recognize this place;_

_The picture frames have changed_

_And so has your name._

_ _

_We don't talk much anymore,_

_We keep running from the pain;_

_But what I wouldn't give to_

_See your face again._

_ _

_- 'I don't know you anymore': Savage Garden_

_ _

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Snape groaned and lumbered himself out of bed, clumsily. Throwing out an arm to steady himself, he winced as the dark mark began to burn deeper into his skin. He needed to get to Hogsmede so he could Apperate to Voldemort's position as soon as possible to avoid punishment. Grabbing his wand and pulling his cloak over him, Snape ran out of his chamber and tapped the stone wall at the end of the corridor. It opened into his office. He ran.

            Voldemort waited, patiently or not - his supporters did not know - as various followers, or Death Eaters as they were called, Apperated into the forest clearing and bent down to kiss his feet. Snape Apperated in last, shoulders heaving as he gasped for breath. He knelt before his 'master' and kissed his feet. He stepped back, head bowed.

"My dear, dear followers..." the high pitched voice began, dripping with sarcasm, sending chills down Snape's spine. "You have served me now over these many years, but now is the time for you to prove your dedication." Snape couldn't help feeling those snake-like eyes were staring straight at him, penetrating his very soul. "The time has come for us to make attacks on those closest to Albus Dumbledore. You will each be assigned a separate assignment, which I expect you to complete in two days. When I call your name, come forward and I will tell you your assignment. Do not reveal to anyone else who your victim will be." Snape waited for what seemed like light years. Someone close to Dumbledore? Who, Fawkes? Wait, did he mean a teacher?

"Dear god..." Snape mumbled.

"Severus, please come and receive your assignment." Severus? That tone of voice reminded him of his old schoolteacher at muggle primary school. Snape walked over to his 'master' and bowed his head in recognition. "Severus, I have had word from Lucius Malfoy that you are not being loyal to me. Tell me, Severus Snape, are you spying for Dumbledore?" Snape looked up into those slits of eyes.

"What's it to you?" he drawled, in a Draco-like manner. That's it, Severus... smugness always hides what you're really feeling inside...just pretend you're fighting back, it's worth a try...Voldemort's eyes flared up and he took a step nearer to Snape, who noticed that they were about the same height; even though he was 35 and Voldemort was...well, Snape didn't know exactly.

"I want you to kill Minerva McGonagall. If you don't do it, I shall kill you. Hear me? I shall KILL you." Snape stared, blankly.

"And?" Knees shaking, can't take anymore...must fight back for Minerva...            

"And what?" Voldemort was beginning to lose patience with Snape, and he grasped his wand slightly tighter.

"And what else if I don't?" Snape managed a slight smirk, trying to hide the irresistible urge he had to run away, screaming. Voldemort lost his temper.

"_Crucio!_" he screamed. Being hit square in the stomach, Snape doubled over and gasped with the pain. Voldemort saw that he was resisting and urged more power into his wand, doubling the pain, which targeted every single nerve in Snape's body. He collapsed to the floor, and began to choke for breath. Voldemort lifted the curse. Snape looked up. He heard the little voices in his head. 'Go on. Kill her! She's only an insignificant teacher. She's not even pretty, for goodness sake.' Snape wanted to yell out against this voice, but resisted.

"What do you want from me?" Snape rasped, nearly devoid of all vocal capabilities.

"I'll give you a week. If she's not dead by then, I'll kill both of you." Snape nodded, and with what little power he had left, Disapparated.

            Snape was in this state of body and mind when he returned to Hogwarts, and it happened to be then that Harry, Ron and Hermione were out in the grounds. It was Saturday, and around 9 in the morning. Snape, his robes torn from walking from Hogsmede to Hogwarts, and his skin scarred from the Cruticus curse, limped towards the castle. Towards safety...towards Minerva, and her possible impending doom. He watched as Hermione Granger looked up, spotted him, and pointed it out to Harry. Ron muttered something that the other two ignored. Snape walked straight past them.

"Sir? Sir, are you okay?" Harry found himself calling after Snape. Snape turned round, looked at Harry, and replied

"Yes, I'm quite okay. Quite." Snape hobbled off and the three started conversing about what was wrong with him. You're just like your father, Potter, thought Snape. Always interested in anything and everything.

            Dumbledore was sitting in his office reading Ministry reports when the timid knock came at the door. For a second, Albus thought it was a student, but then the bedraggled form of Snape came through. Albus stood up immediately.

"Severus, what on earth happened to you? Here, sit down. Have you been to see Poppy?" Snape sat down and rested his forehead in his hands.

"In answer to your questions," Snape said in a hoarse whisper, "It's a long story, thank you, and no." Albus looked, pensively, at his Potions master, and sat down once again in his desk chair.

"Tell me."

"I don't think I can..." Snape looked up at Dumbledore. His face was stained with a dry mixture of blood and tears. The blood upon his left cheek was engrained like dirt, and his left arm ached from the burning of the dark mark. Dumbledore became more worried. Severus, in all his time at Hogwarts, had never come back from a calling this wounded.

"He attacked you, didn't he?" Snape nodded, and looked at the floor, wincing as a strand of hair got stuck in one of the many open wounds on his face.

"Cruticus curse. And... something else." Snape looked back at the floor again, head in hands.

"What else, Severus?" Snape sighed, and looked back up at his role model, his idol, his boss, his teacher...

"If I told you, I would have to kill you, but I wouldn't be able to, because I'd already be dead." Albus sighed, and stood up. He went over to a cupboard on the edge of the room, and opened the door. He bought out the Pensieve. Snape groaned, and slunk down further into the chair. Albus tapped Snape on the head with his wand and extracted one of his thoughts. He put it into the Pensieve and began to watch. Snape's body was racked with dry sobs as he heard the Dark Lord's request again. Albus tapped the glassy reflection of Snape's memory with his wand and looked at the sobbing man.

"Severus, I want you to go back to your chamber. Use this door; it will keep you away from the students. You are excused from teaching for three days." Snape nodded in thanks, turned and walked through the door.

            The rumors flew around Hogwarts like lightning. One minute, Snape was dead, the next, he was kidnapped, the next, eaten by a Hippogriff... the list went on. Snape, sitting at his desk in his chamber, heard none of them. He was too busy thinking. Over the years he had got closer and closer to being caught, and now...and now it was too late to change anything. What had he become? He was being made to kill innocent people, people he knew and talked to. This wasn't what Severus Snape was meant to do. Snape signed, and took out the lesson plan for the fifth year students. An owl tapped at the window, and he got up to let it in, his emerald-green robes swirling around his lank figure. It had been three days since he had eaten anything, and he had to go back to teaching tomorrow. He took the letter from the owl and sent it on its way. It was from Lucius Malfoy, telling him...Snape let out a giant sigh of relief...that he didn't have to kill her. He _didn't have to kill her_. A tear escaped him, as all the tension was unleashed from his body. Snape began to feel better than he had for three, four days. Snape smiled, and placed the letter on his desk. It was only then that he realized there was a P.S. on the opposite side. _Just like a Malfoy to get your hopes up then smash you down_, thought Snape to himself. On some instinct, Snape read it out loud - possibly to make him believe himself...

"P.S. Don't forget to join the Muggle and Mudblood killing spree in London this weekend...0900 Trafalgar Square this Saturday 14th February. Don't be late. Or else." Snape drew a long, tense breath. He couldn't avoid this, and they would surely notice if he didn't kill anyone. He got up and paced around the room, tension flooding through his veins, penetrating his soul...then it hit him. He would still have to kill people. Innocent people. They hadn't done anything to him, even. He would just kill them...for the fun of it. On Valentine's Day as well, the day of love, and well being...Snape laughed. Yes, that's what it was - it was all a game! A stupid, pointless, horrific, fatal game. It became clear to him that he could use this to unleash his anger. All his anger he had ever had - jealousy, loathing, pure hatred...he could let it all out. Sure, at the cost of some Muggles life, but who cares? After all, wasn't one of the Muggle Ten Commandments 'Love thy neighbor'? Sure, Severus would love his neighbor - he would have helped him unleash all his anger, all his jealousy, all his hatred...

A wicked grin crept over a once dying man's face. Voldemort laughed.

            Annie Thomas walked out of the office; her bag slung over her shoulder, and made her way across to the car park. People rushed by her, knocking into her, but she didn't care. You got used to it after six years of working in the center of London. Deciding to take a detour, Annie snaked through the throng of people and made her way towards Trafalgar Square. Annie didn't realize, when she looked at her watch, that she would be dead in the next two minutes.

The time was 08:59.00

Annie walked through the flocks of pigeons and sat down on a bench. She heard what sounded like a cry of pain, but ignored it.

08:59.56

Annie took out a tuna and cucumber sandwich and began to eat it while reading a book.

08:59.59

Snape pulled the cloak over his head and ran out into the square. Next to him, Lucius Malfoy conjured the dark mark. Screams began to echo through his head - echoing like the screams of wakened babies.

09:00.40

Annie jumped up and looked around - men in black cloaks with the hoods pulled over were running round the square, shooting jets of blinding green light from twigs and screaming words that she could swear were Latin. People were falling down everywhere - some dead, some screaming in pain. Then Annie saw the green skull hanging in the sky, a similar shade was the green snake protruding from its' mouth.

09:01.24

Snape saw his target. A pretty muggle woman with burnt sienna hair and twinkling green eyes standing by a bench. She was looking alarmed at what was going on. Yes, child. Look alarmed. That is the expression you will have on you face when you die. When I kill you.

09:01.58

'He's coming towards me...he's coming towards me!' Annie's thoughts screamed as they ran around inside her head. Snape took six, just steps towards her. Then he pointed his wand at her shaking form.

09:02.02

Two words. That's all Annie remembered. Those two words were the last words she ever heard. She would never forget them.

"Avada Kedavra."

            Severus Snape sat on his bed, back in Hogwarts. He wouldn't forget the words in a hurry either. He had killed someone. He had killed a poor innocent woman. She didn't even deserve to die.

"God Damnit!" Severus screamed and smashed a fist against the stone walls. He didn't feel the pain, he couldn't...not anymore. He was one of them now, a cold, bloodied, heartless monster with no recognition of feelings or emotions. What was he?

A monster. Snape walked around the room, cursing himself, cursing Voldemort, cursing everyone who he had ever loved, and the few who had ever loved him...then he looked up. Where he had hit the wall, a passage had opened. Severus walked through, muttering "Lumos" as he did so. He was in a cold stone tunnel, which judging by the damp was deep in the dungeons of the castle. Severus, in his half enraged state, began to think of when he used to sit in tunnels like this and study the dark arts at Hogwarts. He only knew one other person who had ever come down these tunnels, and that was one of his friends at Hogwarts...he liked to think of her as a friend, anyway. Not that her brother was particularly fond of him. Severus stopped as he came to a dugout hole in the side of the tunnel. This was it; this was where they used to sit. Why was he remembering all of this? The happy times in his life he had tried and longed so much to forget. Why did these memories haunt him?

            He sat down on the bench, as it were, and looked around. His foot kicked something under the bench, and Severus picked it up to see what it was. When he saw that it was a dark arts book he gasped. This was the book they used to study from. Their notes were still in the corners of the pages. Severus let the book fall open at a random page, and began to read. Their scribbled notes said things Snape would never had said now - happy things, innocent things. Of course he wasn't innocent anymore. Then his eyes fell on a piece of paper pinned to the next page. It was her handwriting. Italic, loopy and somewhat scrappy, like his own.

_Dear Severus,_

_ _

_            I got your letter by owl post this morning. I'm sorry you haven't been well, but I'm even sorrier that it's my fault. But I have to tell you something. You are a wonderful friend, Severus, a wonderful friend. I've told you things I wouldn't have told James or Sirius. You were the first one to know I slept with Remus, you were the first one to know when I became an animagi. But it is because you're such a wonderful friend, Severus, that I love you. I love you as a friend, I don't love you in the way you seem to think you love me. I'm sorry if this hurts you, but it's the truth. It's the truth and you have to know it. I'm sorry, and I hope we can still be friends._

_ _

_Kaitlyn Potter_

_ _

Her writing was innocent; almost as innocent as her words...did she know that those words would turn him into a Death Eater? Did she know those words would haunt him for life? Severus knew whose fault it was now. It was HER fault. It was her fault he killed that muggle, it was her fault he became a Death Eater, it was all her fault. Severus wanted to kill her for what she had done. He threw the book across the tunnel and stood up. He walked down the tunnel further, away from his office, until he came to a turning. Severus knew where this turning lead. Towards the empty and deserted classroom that held the Mirror of Erised. Now he could find out who he really was. What he was meant to be. What he could have been.

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_"You know I love you, right?"_

_"Severus, I..."_

_"I love you. With all my heart I do. Please believe me, Kaitlyn."_

_"I'm sorry." she shook her head, then she walked off, leaving him with a broken heart._

_ _

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He opened the door and walked in. There it was, a tall mirror covered in a thick blue velvet drape, one golden leg seen from under the throw over. He banished the drape away and stepped in front of the mirror, shutting his eyes so as not to see straight away. My deepest heart's desire, he thought to himself. He opened his eyes. And blinked. All he saw was himself, like a mirror. It was a mirror, but it wasn't meant to be this sort of mirror. He kicked it, and saw the mirror image do the same. But if his deepest heart's desire was himself...he thought back to once when he had heard Dumbledore talk about the mirror. Dumbledore said...he said sometimes it's not what you see, but something in it.

So maybe there was some human feeling left in Severus, and all he had to do now was find it.

Another person appeared in the mirror.

"Kaitlyn!" Severus cried in disbelief, and took a step towards the mirror. So maybe it was hope left in him. Now he had found hope, all he had to do was believe in love, and he would make it through. After all, she was still alive...somewhere. And things can change. There was no doubt in Severus' conception, because the mirror never lies. As the images faded away, Severus fell to the floor, tears threatening his sallow face, and kissed the feet of the mirror. "Thank you," he whispered, and walked away.


End file.
